Bloom.

I’m a big believer that one of the ways military life is made easier is by learning to bloom where you’re planted. When Alex and I were first dating, we had no idea where he would go after BOLC. I went on a two week cross country road trip and marathoned it home in time to watch him graduate from BOLC before working 5 night shifts in a row and heading straight to the airport for a week in Hawaii with some girls from nursing school. Before I left for Hawaii, HRC told Alex there was no logistics officer positions for a 1LT right now and he’d be at Fort Lee for the foreseeable future, which was fine with me!

While I was in Hawaii, I got the text: he got orders to Fort Drum, New York…the only post he specifically stated to HRC that he did not want. Alex was devastated. I, eager to run away from life in Richmond, was more optimistic. I wrote Alex a long message in which I said “I don’t know why The Lord is sending you to Fort Drum but I know that He has a plan for your life, and your career, and our relationship, and I believe that we can make this work”. Alex arrived to Fort Drum and after enjoying summer block leave, came back to an immediate, surprise deployment. In hindsight, this is what saved us from being separated and him getting orders to Korea post logistics CCC, but I digress.

We knew after the world’s shortest deployment that we didn’t want to be separated any longer than we had to be, and I was quickly approaching the unhealthy burnt out stage that many nurses feel in acute care. I loved my team, but the politics of the workplace and the acuity of my patients was just overwhelming and I was ready to do something else. My plan was to buy a house and travel nurse, but I was really in love with Alex and I just felt like this was different!

Now, a little background. Any of you who know me personally know that I dated A LOT post high-school pre-Alex. I was a Tinder queen and went on over 100 dates one year. Don’t even think for one second about trying to slut-shame me here like I’m some hussy who slept with tons of guys. I just liked to date and try new restaurants and experience new things- I wasn’t having sex with all these men. (and for the record, even if I was, that’s none of your business). I was a serial monogamist; I fell fast for more than a few guys, some who broke my heart and more often than not, whose heart I broke. There are 3 guys that I genuinely could have married, but two of the three weren’t good for me.

Andrew and I grew up and grew apart, and after dating from 15-19 years old, we grew into people who wanted different things. I was desperate for love and a “normal” family, and Andrew wanted to enjoy college before settling down. He broke my heart and I thought I would never recover, but if he hadn’t, I never would have moved away from my hometown to Richmond or experienced everything that major change precipitated, good and bad. It took me 3 years before I really fell in love again, and this time I was reckless with my heart. Brian was just so effortlessly comfortable to be with and being who I am, I was not intimidated at all by intercontinental long distance and I was willing to move literally to Germany and teach ESL instead of practice nursing to make our relationship work. Brian did not turn out to be the person that I thought he was, and he hurt me in a way that still stings. I truly did not understand why God would bring me such joy and then such grief and heartache within weeks of each other.

But if I hadn’t been absolutely heartbroken, I wouldn’t have gone out to the bar with Anna after working a 12 hour shift, I wouldn’t have taken fireball shots, and I definitely would not have had multiple vodka redbulls. I wouldn’t have been on Tinder and I wouldn’t have swiped right on a really handsome guy named Alex. I definitely wouldn’t have given my number to a guy at the bar or texted him back, and I never would have realized tinder Alex and guy from the bar were the same guy. Brian broke my heart, but Alex showed me truly unconditional love. Like word vomit, I spilled to Alex about how B had hurt me, how I was terrified to fall in love again, and how I absolutely, unequivocally did not want a relationship. I did not want to date another West Pointer, or someone in the Army, much less someone who had no idea where in the world they were going in a few months. Alex asked me how he could pray for me. He prayed with me, and for me, and over me. He never pushed. He intentionally pursued my heart. We went to church together, we met each other’s parents, we talked about our hopes and dreams for the future. Alex is the first man who complimented my personality instead of squashing it. He loved and loves me for who I am, not in spite of it. He went house shopping with me, talked about travel nurse destinations, and never once expected me to sacrifice my dreams or desires for him.

But then he got orders to Fort Drum and we had to figure out what we were going to do. 600 miles of long distance felt…daunting. I loved him and he loved me, but was that really enough? While Alex was deployed, it felt like it was over. He was distant and barely talked to me, and since my love language is words of affirmation, this left me feeling unfulfilled. Right before he came home, he called me out of the blue and apologized for being so distant. He never imagined being in love, finding a wife, settling down, and he was struggling to find the balance between work and home life because he never had had someone to come home to before. I drove to New York for his homecoming and it was then we decided, for real, I was going to move to New York.

Now just a timeline refresher here: fall 2015 meet and fall in love with Brian, Christmas 2015 fly to Germany for B, January 21st 2016 B breaks up with me, February 19th meet Alex at the bar/match on Tinder, February 28th first official date, May 9th decide that we’re dating “for real”, July deploy, September Alex comes home and decide we’re moving in together. Yes y’all, we decided to move in together after knowing each other for 7 months. Crazy? Maybe. But what was the worst thing that could happen? We break up and I move home? That was a risk I could live with taking.

I went PRN at my job in Virginia and applied for jobs in New York. I went from a large academic medical center to a tiny critical access hospital where almost everyone working there is related to someone else working there and there were 9 beds in the ER and less than 25 in the hospital itself. I went from inpatient to ED. I packed up all my crap (SO. MUCH. CRAP.) and over the Christmas holiday, drove a uhaul to upstate New York, to tiny Watertown, a mere 30 miles from Canada, to start a new chapter of my life. I officially moved to our little apartment in Eagle Ridge on January 19th, 2017, exactly 11 months after I knew of Alex’s existence on planet Earth. Isn’t it crazy that in 11 months so much had changed?

Alex was gone pretty much until the end of April. I moved into the apartment by myself, unpacked by myself, survived winter by myself. And when I say winter, I mean real winter. I will never forget rolling up to work in the negatives with no hat or gloves or even boots on. Thank God I worked with amazing people or I probably would have gotten frostbite! LOL.

For those first four months, I was terrified I had made a mistake moving. I was lonely, I was cold, and holy crap I barely knew this man and somehow we were living together and talking marriage. And then I realized, I could be sad and wallow in this loneliness, or I could leave my damn house.

So I did! I went to work, I made friends, I survived snowstorms and a legitimate blizzard (shout out to Pete Smith for digging my Amazon packages out from the 4 foot snow drift at my front door and shoveling my walkway while I was snowed in at the hospital). I grew close with Olivia and Alex, both of whom became some of my best friends to this day and were bridesmaids in my wedding. I said yes to invitations to do things, like go to Letchworth State Park with Theyzi, who is still a dear friend and ended up shooting all our family photos ever and both our elopement and wedding! Every day I told myself “bloom where you’re planted” and almost every day I tried. There were times it was hard. Seasonal depression is real! Some days I was too in a funk to even shower (and to be fair, when it’s like -40 below with the windchill, taking off ones clothes to shower, even indoors, seems daunting) but eventually Alex came home and the land defrosted and the beautiful, blissful North Country summer descended upon us.

I wouldn’t call myself a seasoned military spouse by any means, but at this point, a little over 3.5 years after meeting each other for the first time, we’ve PCS’d twice together, lived in 4 homes in 3 states, bought a house, adopted 2 dogs, got engaged, eloped, had a big wedding, had a human baby, I’ve gotten my BSN, worked in 3 emergency departments, started grad school and am 4 classes from my MSN/FNP, Alex has completed CCC and pinned captain, and is now waiting to take command this fall. It’s been a whirlwind and even if we weren’t owned by the Army, I think it would still seem like a lot. But my best advice to any military spouse is 4 simple words: bloom where you’re planted.

This definitely is easier said than done, and I in NO WAY am minimizing the utter suck of having to put your career second or live somewhere you don’t want to, or spend time away from family or friends or your spouse. But attitude changes everything and if you’re constantly feeling sorry for yourself or depressed, please A) get professional help on dealing with those feelings and identifying if you need to correct a chemical imbalance causing your anxiety/depression…you’d see a doctor for a broken bone and your physical health, why not see a professional for a problem affecting your mental health? and B) try to change your mindset! Blooming where you’re planted is a constant effort. It means leaving your house, trying to make friends, trying new activities, getting involved in causes and efforts and groups that matter to you. I feel so incredibly fortunate that I get to raise my family all over the country, in places maybe we wouldn’t choose to settle long term, but that can feel like “home” even if just for a little while.

So, I’m starting a series called “Bloom”. In this series, you can expect to find things that are a good time or a fun time or worth skipping (haha) in and around places that we’ve been! There will be posts from places we’ve been all around the country, with a special focus on Fort Bragg, since that is our current home. In the future, I’m hoping to have other bloggers, some military spouses, some just awesome people, share what they love about where they call home. The world is a big beautiful place and you’ll never get to fully enjoy it if you just stay inside.

XO,

Han